How Do I Explain My Mental Health?

How Do I Explain My Mental Health?

It’s a life sentence. Most people cannot understand how a mental illness works – how it completely re-shapes your life and the way that you think, but that’s ok, some people don’t have to understand it. I just hope that they never have to experience a mental health issue in themselves or in someone they love.

Your life feels broken – like you’re half the person you hoped you’d be. You can’t sleep, eat or work, the things you love seem meaningless now and you would much rather shut the world away. Everyday things that would present no issue to a ‘normal’ person grip me with fear – like driving to a new place or meeting new people.

Anxiety is mind games – that critical inner voice that no matter how hard you try to ignore – it’s always there. Planning your next move, doubting every decision you make, clogging your mind with negative and destructive thoughts. It’s hiding in the public toilets for a moment of solitude, trying desperately not to cry or pass out because you can’t bear to face the people on the other side of the wall for fear of being mocked, judged or talked about. But you know deep down that you’re not strong enough anyway so the tears start to fall and you wonder how you’re going to appear ‘normal’ to these people.

Depression isn’t just sadness, it’s crying yourself to sleep most nights because your life feels like a colossal failure, and you’re going nowhere. It’s bleak, empty, and lonely. It’s an abundance of nothing; no future, no hope, no reason to smile or carry on. Just a numb existence. You wish you could disappear completely.

I wonder if any of the people from my school years had any idea that their actions and torment would haunt me into adulthood. I never got better, I got worse and worse until I hit rock bottom and all my self-confidence and self-esteem was gone.

Accepting that a mental illness is something you will carry with you for life is hard. Nobody truly beats it, we just learn to live with it in ways that are invisible to everyone around us. Living with a mental illness means fighting a constant internal battle.

If you are struggling and feel like you have nobody to talk to, please reach out. I’m only ever a message away, and starting in 2018 I am going to try and put as much time as I can into mental health work and helping as many people as I can, because nobody should be suffering alone.

There is help out there for people like us, just know that you are doing so much better than you think, and you are stronger than the doubts and insecurities in your mind.

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23 Comments

  1. January 3, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    Ty ty ty for saying all my thoughts and feelings!!!❤️ this was like reading my own story and you’re so right. To accept what you’re dealing with, have to live with and the constant battle is so hard. And we need to talk and talk about this until the world can “understand”❤️

    • January 4, 2018 / 6:33 am

      Thank you for reading! ☺️ You’re not alone in how you feel at all, and although progress has been made with mental health awareness, it’s clear we’ve still got a long way to go!

  2. January 4, 2018 / 2:45 am

    Great post because most people don’t understand the internal complexities that accompany mental illnesses! It’s almost indescribable. People think you can go by someone’s appearance even with all of the information out there now. I’m not sure if people don’t get it or choose not to get it because they don’t want to deal with it?

    • January 4, 2018 / 6:32 am

      I think it’s a mix of both, some people would rather just not know, but when you have someone in your life with a mental illness, that’s just not helpful. And just because I’m smiling and laughing, doesn’t mean I’m cured of depression – mental illnesses are invisible and are ALWAYS there!

      • January 4, 2018 / 4:34 pm

        Yup, I agree. It’s a daily chore. I always say it’s a lifelong process. Just because I’ve come to terms with my past or challenges and made peace doesn’t mean I’m not working hour by hour to stay balanced. It’s not like a cold… doesn’t just come and go. Thanks for responding 😀

        • January 4, 2018 / 5:26 pm

          You’re spot on there. You’re a fighter, don’t ever give up! 💛

          • January 4, 2018 / 9:11 pm

            Thank you! You are too! You’re inspirational. That made my day 🙂

  3. January 4, 2018 / 11:55 am

    That was so well-explained.

  4. January 4, 2018 / 4:22 pm

    This is beautifully written and well summed. I think mental illness is still a “black hole” when it comes to traditional understanding.
    Thank you for sharing.

    • January 4, 2018 / 5:25 pm

      Thank you ☺️ there’s definitely still a long way to go to end the stigma!

  5. Damien
    January 4, 2018 / 7:35 pm

    I can relate to a lot of this.
    Take care.

  6. BeautyAndBrushes
    January 10, 2018 / 7:33 pm

    This is such an inspiring post babe! I know it must’ve taken a lot of courage to write this; which just proves how strong you are!
    Every word just speaks out to me, because I’ve felt and still feel the exact emotions and it’s tiring. But, we’re fighters! and will continue to fight through ’em. I’m here day or night for you Darling xx

    http://www.beautynbrushes.co.uk

    • January 10, 2018 / 7:44 pm

      Thank you so much! We definitely are fighters, we’re in this together!

  7. February 26, 2018 / 4:26 am

    It’s 4.22 am as I read this, because I’ve had a few days of just the battles you wrote about, it’s a comfort to see it captured so lucidly but also saddens me to know others are feeling this awful too.
    Sending love

  8. Georgina
    December 6, 2018 / 8:13 am

    So at 46 i have felt like this my whole life, and although i no longer cry when i feel like this, which is most of the time i have resigned myself to feeling like this forever. Thank you for saying the way i feel, the way alot of people feel.

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